Sugar Rush
by Tetol
Summary: You shaved my Forehead!" When people get sugar rush, it's kinda hyper. When Sakura gets Sugar rushes, everything goes insane! What happens when she gets it while giving medicals to almost every ninja she knows! Read and find out!


**Sugar Rush**

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What happens when Sakura gets a sugar rush? What happens when she gets it while giving check-ups to almost every ninja she knows?**

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She lay on her bed stiffly, not caring if she's going to be late in a matter of minutes. She wanted her peace. Yes, she likes her peace because she knows that after getting up from her bed, she'll have no chance for her peace.

First of all, how could she when she's got two—scratch that—three of the most annoying teammates Konoha's ever seen or in this case _heard_? I mean come on, Naruto's ramblings are enough to make you want to put the goddamn ramen you were supposed to be eating in you ears, what more when he sets off in this bitch fit with Sai or Sasuke or both or just about anyone who's dumb enough to talk to him. And may I remind you of the constant **"BELIVE IT!" **that he just has to shout and the **"TEME!" **and he "**dobe," **and the **"PENIS!" **that would scar you for life?

Second of all, her best friend. Enough said.

Third and worst of all, she's going to stay in the hospital for the rest of the day with those stupid nurses scrambling about "Sakura-sama this," Sakura-sama that," and the ever so annoying "Sakura-sama, how's Sasuke today?"

* * *

_Why don't they shove that thought in their fucked up asses along with Sa-_

_

* * *

_**Ding-dong**

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* * *

**

Her murderous train of thoughts came to an end when the doorbell in her front door rang. Grudgingly, she came to her feet to answer the freaking door.

She dragged her feet across the hallways of her house with a scowl on her face and a murderous glint in her eyes.

* * *

_Who the hell rings a doorbell this early?! I don't ring anyone's doorbell at eight in the morning, why ring mine?! Seriously, the people of Konoha are becoming whacked, whacked, whacked, WHACKED, did I mention whacked?_

_

* * *

_She threw her door open, preparing herself to lash her tongue out to whoever disturbed her peace but to her dismay, there was no one behind her mahogany front door.

She turned her head from left to right to see anyone nearby, _Anyone _she could put he blame on but sadly, there wasn't a body in sight. A dead corpse wouldn't be that bad to see right now especially if she could rant and blame everything on it and it wouldn't even say anything back!

She sighed to herself, dropping her emerald eyes down. That's when she noticed the pink box plastered with pink wrappings and… _ribbons. _Lots and lots of ribbons.

Taking the repulsive thing in her hands as if she'll puke any second now, she came inside the house with it on arms length.

She quickly placed it in her table and opened the offensive piece of crap.

_Is my hair this annoying of a color?_

Once she got through with the pink… stuff… she discovered inside a cake. But not just any cake, it was a chocolate chiffon cake with tons of white frosting and strawberries on top. MMmmm… Strawberries.

Well since no one wants it back and she's too lazy to ask if anyone owns it, Sakura figured that she might as well indulge herself in the earthly pleasure.

* * *

To say that the hospital was full is an utter understatement because it's so packed that even Michael Jackson, or in this case, Orochimaru wouldn't be able to press a hand on some poor defenseless child, or in this case, Sasuke.

It was the monthly check-up that all ninja must undertake and Sakura just so happens to be the on in charge of everyone she just about knows.

* * *

**Naruto's turn**

"Hiya, Sakura-chan!!"

"Oh, no need for a medical. I know what your problem is."

"Really?! That was fast!"

"I know, right?!"

"So what's my problem?"

"You have a pissed on bush stuck on your head! I mean, come one, that couldn't possibly be haircause you know, it looks like spongebob squarepants in a mutant kind of way and did I mention that you need to have surgery for those abnormalities you have on your cheeks? Yeah, not working for you at all. OH and you might want to have an eye check-up as well cause you're color blind and stuff... so yeah...

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**Hinata's turn**

"Sister, you don't need to tell me what's wrong. I know exactly what it is."

"W-what, Sa-Sakura-chan?"

"You're obviously exhausted from having to have sex with Naruto. So tell me, does he shout DATTEBAYO!!! whenever you have sexual intercourse? I mean, I totally understand what you're going through since Naruto's so hyper, it should be self-explanatory on how he is in bed... right, Hinata-chan? Oh, are your already pregnant ? Is your baby kicking already? Is he as hyper as his father? Tell me!"

"—sputter—" Thud.

"One for the delivery room, please."

* * *

**Kiba's turn**

"Sakura-chan... how ya doing?"

"Fine, thank you."

"Um... what now?"

"Seriously, I don't know cause I've never treated a dog before but I guess it'll be okay as long as you don't bite me and infect me with rabies and if you don't give me fleas. I know! I should just poke you in the arm with a large needle to get your blood sample so that I can make more mutated whatever you are but first, I need to see you six nipples please."

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**Ino's turn**

"Forehead."

"Well, hello Ino. It's so nice of you to come. Oh, did I mention that you're becoming obviously fat?"

Twitch.

"Look at it this way, you and Chouji could like get married and you'll have adorable piggies."

Twitch.

"Oh and your ass has gotten bigger too. Honey, if this goes on, you could your butt as a weapon. You could just bump an enemy with your humongous ass I swear, they'll be thrown off to another country. But oh well, you can't stop it when you get fat anyways but still Ino, I didn't think you'd let yourself go. No wonder no one has asked you out for a date but then again, your name alone screams FAT!"

TWITCH!!!!

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**Shikamaru's turn**

"Troublesome."

"Oh my GOD! Nurses, get here ASAP!!"

"What?! What's wrong?!!"

"We've got a situation here!!"

"Dammit, answer me!!"

"There's a boy in here with a pineapple stuck on his head! We need to help him before he suffocates!!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!!"

—turns to him and pushes him on the ground—

POUND!

**"Breathe! Goddammit, breathe!!"**

POUND!

**"Oh my god, nurse! The pineapple turned to mush! I repeat, the pineapple turned to mush!!"**

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**Sai's turn**

"Oh ugly, its you."

"I know I am, what are you?"

"What?"

"Peter piper picked a PENIS!!!"

"WHAT?!!"

"Sai's a homo! Sai's a HOMO!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"HOMO!!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!!"

"I know I am, you're a HOMO!!"

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**Gaara's turn**

"Hn."

"Sandman!! I totally love you in spidey three! You kick ass! But then, I never remembered you wearing too much eyeliner before. I don't think you should be here, I think you should go to a cosmetics store instead and get those awful things off you're eyes. I mean seriously, emo is so Sasuke's thing. Oh and may I recommend you buy the bottle with the name "make-up remover" when you go?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Sai's a HOMO!!"

"Fuck the what?!"

"I SAID DROP IT, HARUNO!!!"

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**Temari's turn**

"Can we get this over with?"

"Sure but have you ever considered being a geisha?"

"A _what?_"

"Geisha cause you know, you have a fan, kimono, and all that but I think you better make your things human sized and for a woman, not an amazonian who just wants to show off her skills to pineapple head. I mean seriously, I heard of big affection but big fans, that's just pathetic. And did I mention that by bringing that huge worthless fan, it makes you look like a man! A man with four pigtails. And, seriously, that's just gay. Like Sai."

"I SAID STOP IT!!"

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**Kankurou's turn**

"Can... you... understand... me?"

"Of course I can."

"Are... you... sure?"

"Of course I am. What are you? Questioning my mentality?"

"Why, _duh_ cause dude, you live in a desert not a dessert and here you are flaunting yourself in a full body jumpsuit! You can have heat stroke, for Kami's sake! Or are you just some conservative prune who doesn't want to show off his masculinity? I mean, you could be like Sai for all I care—"

**"WILL YOU STOP CLAIMING I'M GAY!!!"**

"—but who cares cause you might have some people panting over you when you flaunt your sweat. Speaking of sweat, you wreak! My prescription: common sense and deodorant."

"...wtf?"

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**Neji's turn**

"...Hn."

"Have you ever considered the fact that you're trying way too much to be a girl?"

"...what?"

"I mean, come on, if you want to peep on others just use your byakugan and PZANG! Pshuu! PWAWAWA! And you have an instant peepshow. Or maybe you did it already and you're trying to be coy about it. Let me guess, its LEE isn't it?!! OMG!! Have you seen what's under that jumpsuit already?! I know it's like a big mystery to all of use who doesn't have the byakugan. So will you please enlighten me?"

"...you wouldn't want to know."

"What I don't want to know is how you knew THAT."

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**Tenten's turn**

"Hi, Sakura."

"Has Neji ever peeked under your clothes?"

"What?!"

"Because he liked said that he saw under Lee's clothes—"

"LEE?!!"

"—Yeah, and I thought maybe he was trying to peek at you but Lee stood in his way..."

"Oh shit."

"What? Why?"

"You're going to have to treat someones injury later, Sakura. See you."

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**Shino's turn**

"...Haruno-san."

"I want you to drink this."

"...is that bug repellent?"

"Yeah."

"Why would I want to drink bug repellent?"

"Stop asking questions and drink it!!"

"AGH! SHIT! ESCAPE 241, my preciousness!!"

FITZZZZZZZ!!!

"Oh my God, you killed Maggie!!"

"Maggie?"

**"Die, Bitch!!!"**

BOOM

BOOM

POW

"Guack!! Doctor harassment!! **Doctor harassment!!**"

**"Want some more, Bitch???!!!!"**

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**Lee's turn **

"My dear youthful Sakura-chan, how are you today?"

"Fine, thank—WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???!!!"

"WHAT?! Where?!"

BZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!

"my... my... my..."

**Cries**

**Sobs**

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut your eyebrows off."

"It's—sniff—not that—sniff—"

"What is it then?"

"You missed my eyebrows."

"Then why are you crying?!!"

**"You razored my FOREHEAD, you motherfucker!!!!"**

"Oh crap."

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**Orochimaru's turn**

"SSsssss...."

**"Why are you even here?!!"**

"I need to get _something _checked."

**"Oh my God, you actually have some BALLS!!!!"**

"What?! No!! I want my tongue checked."

"Oh, okay."

"Besides, I just finished having my sex change."

"Oh cool, can I see your boobs?"

"Sure. Why not?"

POKE

POKE

POKE

**POP!! PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!**

"MY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!!"

"Ooppsies, sorry. Want me to blow in it so it can inflate again?"

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**Karin's turn**

"Bitch,"

"Is your hair really like that or do you forget to brush the other side?"

"Jealous?"

"No, you should be jealous of me."

"Why would I?"

**"Because I'm pregnant with Sasuke-kun's child!!!"**

"Wha—"

**"No wonder I got pregnant easily, whew, he was such a god in bed. And then he went BEEP on my BEEP and BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!"**

"DAMMIT!!"

**"And his body was so gorgeous and BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP..."**

"UGH!!!"

**"And BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!"**

"STOP PRESSING THAT GODDAMN BUTTON!!!"

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**Sasuke's turn**

"You haven't visited me since I came home three months ago."

**"I didn't know you could actually talk!!!!"**

"Sakura, shut up and listen to me. I haven't seen you or even your hair for three months."

"Why'd you want to see me?"

"Because you're my teammate."

"Former teammate, Uchiha."

"Technicalities and don't call me Uchiha."

"I thought you find me annoying?"

"I changed when I came ba—"

"Yeah, after Naruto beat the crap out of you and practically dragged you back here half dead."

"I'm going to act like I didn't hear that."

"Whatever."

"—sigh—I've been wanting to talk to you about something but seeing as you're so fucking stubborn, here."

"What's with the box, Uchiha?"

"Open it."

"SHIT!!"

* * *

Tsunade came into Konoha's main hospital with a smile on her face. Today was the monthly check up of some of Konoha's ninjas and she was sure to be blown away by their records once again.

She walked down the hallways and made her way to the waiting and finished area in front of Sakura's office door.

"TSUNADE-SAMA!!" All of them practically screamed.

"What's wrong?! You all look terrible!"

"Sakura didn't give us any check-up at all." Neji informed, holding a pack of ice against the side of his head.

"Then what did she do?!"

"She mad my wife faint and until now, she hasn't woken up yet, DATTEBAYO!!"

"She demanded to see all of my six nipples when I only have two!"

"She called me FAT!"

"Everyone calls you fat." Naruto teased, only to get punched in the face.

"Troublesome woman squished my head!" Shikamaru pointed at his bandaged head.

"She questioned my gender!"

"Everyone ques—"

"Continue that and you're dead, Uzumaki!"

"She practically called me a guy!"

"She said I have body odor!"

"But yo—"

"Naruto, better shut up or else!"

"She was the cause of my beating!" Neji yelled.

"She—sob—killed—sob—maggie!!"

"That's just weird, man." Naruto inched away from the crying Shino.

**"We were ENGAGED!!!" **Shino shouted.

"She shaved half an inch of my skin!"

"She pooped my BOOB!!!"

"EWW... What the hell are you doing here??!!"

"Ignoring that."

"She vaguely said what she and Sasuke do in bed!"

"But they're not together." Ino pointed out.

"DAMMIT!"

"You guys aren't complaining?" Tsunade pointed at Tenten, Gaara, and Sasuke.

"Nope, she helped me remove something." Gaare showed off his eyeliner-less eyes.

"She helped me know something." Tenten glared at Neji.

"IT WAS A FUCKING ACCIDENT WOMAN!!"

"I got engaged."

That got everyone's attention. Each and every head in the hallway turned to the Uchiha leaning idly on the wall.

"What was that, teme? I thought I heard you say you're engaged." Naruto asked, coming closer to Sasuke.

"I am."

"To whom, man?! To whom?!" Naruto screamed.

"Sakura."

"WHAT?!!" Everyone screamed.

**"NOOOOOOOOOO!!! SASUKEEEEEEEE-KUNNNN!!!!!" **Karin and Orochimaru screamed but no one payed them attention.

"Yeah."

"SO while we were assaulted and insulted, you proposed?" Neji pointed out.

"Its not my fault you have flaws."

"Okay, congrats Uchiha but which of you gave Sakura sweets?" Tsunade blankly said.

"Sweets?"

"Yeah, Sakura gets all hyper when she gets too much sweets." She explained.

"I did." Sasuke raised his hand.

"Why?!" Tsunade barked.

"Because he's trying to make his fiancee happy." A sweet voice answered.

"Hey," Sasuke placed his arm around Sakura's waist.

"Shit! They are engaged! Look at that ring! That rock is huge!!!!" Ino shouted, pointing at the golden ring with a huge diamond surrounded by sapphires and emeralds. Ino tilted her head slightly to get a better view of the words placed on the side of the gold band. _'Annoying as it is, I love you.' _Ino couldn't help but smile. Sakura finally got what she so fucking deserves.

"So now that the sugar had burned out, let me get your real check-ups." Sakura offered, a smile on her beautiful face.

Sasuke smirked at his beautiful soon-to-be wife. He whispered something in her ear once everyone had filed back inside Sakura's office. "Postpone mine. We have better things to do later... in my bed."

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**There! Finished!! It took me two hours to write this thing!! Its kind of crack-ish because I had two cups of coffee and I get pretty crazy when I have coffee.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!! I was thinking of making a sequel. It still crack-ish but it will happen on Sakura and Sasuke's wedding day. What do you think? If you have a funny idea you want to be seen in that fic, please do share. My mind is too lazy to think of more funny things. **

**My classmates laughed at it and I hope you laughed at it too. But I have a question. which part is the funniest. Me and my best friends kept arguing about it and I want to prove them that Lee's part is the funniest!! **

**Answer my poll titled, _which tickled you? _Thanks to those who will answer it and to those who would review. If you think it really sucked, I won't bother making a sequel so show you love people!!**

**(To my readers of 'drama: bring it on!' I'm temporarily discontinuing it because my hearts no into it and I'm working on something better. Hope you understand!!)**

**Love you all, **

**From Totel!! (I changed my user name, I used to be loveaddict04)  
**


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